[[OOC: The song in the one shot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjWBSwDUudM]]
Ceyal walked, his steps slow, his mind consumed with thoughts, thoughts of his sister, thoughts of his mother, thoughts of his worthless excuse for a father who didn't deserve to be called 'father' or any other synonym for that title. These things never left him. By day and by night he was constantly plagued with memories, remembrances of the three individuals who had the most impact on his life both good and bad. It wasn't to say that Mr. and Mrs. Abbot weren't important, because they were. They had taken him in, given him shelter and food and put up with his moods. They respected his wishes and cared for him the best they knew how. But they weren't the hammer and chisel his parents and sister had been.
He never stopped looking for her, for Eloise. Everywhere he went, he kept a lookout for her though he knew that chances were next to none of finding her in Britain. She'd been thrown out in Oregon and there was no assurance that she did not die. Still, Ceyal never stopped. It gave him purpose, responsibility and perhaps it would ease his conscience a little. He knew though that if, by some miracle, he did find her, she wouldn't remember him. He didn't even know if he would recognise her. She had only been three months old and that was nine years ago. She would have changed, would have become a girl full of spirit, life, fun and mischief. Of that Ceyal was sure.
Yophi was by his side as always, walking her steady and regal gait. The lake was the only place in and around the academy where he felt a modicum of peace. Perhaps it was because it was so unlike his home country. But that could be said for the rest of the academy. Perhaps it was just because of the silence. Nothing but the gentle lapping of water and the occasional bird singing accompanied by the rustle of the wind playing with the tree leaves. He had managed to keep under the radar his first year, not talking to anyone or making friends or acquaintances. He didn't mind it. He wasn't lonely or craving for company. Yophi more than sufficiently filled the role of a living breathing being and she was all he needed. He loved silence, enjoyed it, needed it. In silence there was no chaos, no confusion, no noise. There was nothing but the turmoil and the tempest of his thoughts and emotions. He was used to them; they were a part of him and without them, the would feel incomplete.
Settling down on a boulder, Ceyal took his harmonica and played a few tunes while Yophi laid at his feet just content to be near him. After a while, he took out his notebook and pen and stared at the unfinished song he'd written.
Keep me close when you go far away
Keep this light to see you through.
You close your eyes to find a better way,
Buried deep to something true
And I'll find a way
I'll find a way to you
I'll find a way
I'll find a way to you
And all the stars are shining in your eyes
While all the wreckage lays to burn.
Could we find a place beyond the lies
I'll be here when you return
He strummed his guitar and repeated the chorus then stopped and picked up his pen. He just needed to write the bridge and ending and it would be complete. He'd written it with Eloise in mind, hoping against reality that he would fine her someday even if she didn't know him. He needed to. Putting his pen on the notebook, he began to write, letting his thoughts and emotions flow into the lyrics.
And hope won't change
What won't return
But I'll take the chance
So please don't turn away
That as for when he finally found her. He didn't know how she'd react, what she would say or do. He didn't even know what he'd say. He'd spent countless nights just imagining the scene play out in his head. He imagined her; how she'd look like. She'd be ten by now and she would have dark brown hair and those stunning hazel eyes he remembered sparkling at him with joy. There was no guarantee that she wouldn't deny everything and scoff at him. He had no proof after all; nothing whatsoever to show that she was his sister, thrown out by her drunken and abusive father. But that was only if she was still alive somewhere in the world.
I'll keep your heart
I know that you'll come through
I'll find a way
I'll find a way to you
He would find a way to her. Even though his studies kept him busy, he would grab every opportunity he could to scout around orphanages and social welfare services. He just had to get through three more years without being noticed by anyone. He had done it his first year, keeping silent in classes unless absolutely necessary and not making the effort to meet people. His intimidating exterior kept them away as did his sullen expression and cold hard stare. He was a loner and would always remain one until he found his way to Eloise.
Playing the full song once through, he sang for nature – the birds that seemed to stop their chirping and listen to him, Yophi who pricked up her ears and kept her eyes on him, the wind that blew gently through the trees, the grass that pulsed to the rhythm dictated by the wind. But most of all, he sang for himself and all that he was. A person nobody could understand and who wanted nobody to understand him. The song ended and there was a beat of utter silence as if nature stopped for a moment to be reverent. Then everything returned to normal.
Ceyal glanced around and up at the starlit sky. It was probably midnight by now but he didn’t care. He usually didn’t fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning, kept up by the same nightmare he had since he was ten. He eventually gave up trying to sleep and stayed up until four or five in the morning. Putting his guitar down gently and emptying his pocket of his harmonica, he stripped off his shoes then his shirt, pausing to glance at the small heart tattoo over his own heart he'd gotten for Loveen and the female warrior beside it to remember Eloise. He had plenty of other tattoos around his body, in between the scars criss-crossing over his torso, but those two meant the most to him. He dived into the freezing water of the lake, cherishing the ice cold feeling that arrested his senses. It made him feel like a human being – able to feel things – rather than the mechanical robot he turned into sometimes.
He held his breath for as long as he could, dreaming of what it would be like to just drown and end his life. But he couldn’t. That would be cowardly. He would face life and all the garbage it threw in his face. He would face life. And find Eloise. He stayed in the water until his body was so numbed from the cold he couldn’t feel his fingers. He put on his shirt, slipped into his shoes, whistled for Yophi and walked back the way he came. Back to the solitary life he lived. Back to the torment of his past and everything it encompassed. Back to reality.
