Naomira stood in the house of horrors; the Fujioka Estate with a sense of dreas while the panic that once was alight in her coming to a slow.
It was a weekend, and on Friday she had been excused from school to be here with her Aunt on her wedding day. Aunt Yuni looked gorgeous, not at all her true age. Instead she looked much younger, much more vibrant, so happy. Naomi envied her Aunt. Her Aunt looked younger than Naomi felt. Her Aunt was getting married, there was no reason for her to not be happy after all. She saw her mother there with her new husband, with her new son, and her mother tried to approach her a tenderness in her eyes that sent Naomi spinning on her heel and running away. In her white heels and light blue dress that went accordingly with the baby blues and baby pinks of the entire wedding, she ran down the halls of the Fujioka estate, wiping at errant tears that flew down her cheeks making a mess of the little make up she wore.
She had definitely properly taken the correct pills at the correct time, but that never stopped the terror that was sparked in her heart all the time. Seeing her mother there was the worst. Seeing her mother that had tormented her for the entirety of her life, that had put her into such an immense stress and pain for almost nineteen years was hindering her. So she reared away from the face, ran away from it, and took towards the one place she found a medium of relief.
The music room of the Fujioka Estate was where her back up violin was and where her grand piano was. At one time in her life, she had been suffocated by their expectations but all the stress she was under that was also alleviated by her depression and anxiety pills had her playing her instruments violently to the best of her abilities. She can recall all the times she heard chants of her family searching for her at the age of twelve while she played the piano keys, her fingers attacking each of the fine ivory, her eyes closed as she spared the music sheets her eyes instead playing by memory as she usually did.
The soft tunes that were filled with the passion of the angst writer that wrote the sad songs she usually played, as she moved her head along with the melody. She found it cathartic, like crying. Except this was better because if she was playing she was practicing and if she was practicing she was getting better as opposed to her just wallowing in pity. Her mother would never allow her the relief. Her mother this, her mother that, that was all she ever really thought about.
With a jolt she realized that there were still tears falling down her cheeks as she lifted a hand to her face. She let out a breathy exhale as she collapsed against the piano stool and put her head in her hands and cried to her hearts content. She was an adult, an almost fully grown woman and yet just a look from her mother sent her into a world of sadness that she could not describe. She pulled her long dark hair that she had charmed to be longer away from both shoulders onto one side instead and lifted her head up to look past the piano to where there was an arrangement of chairs. Her eyes glazed over in memory.
Yes there were many times that Naomi had looked up from the piano to see her grandparents looking at her with some sort of amusement in their eyes and her mouth with a proud chin lifted. Behind Natsuki Fujioka was at least twenty to thirty of their business associates waiting avidly to watch her play. She put on a performer's smile and played the pieces that were advanced past her ability to perfection, all while soaking up the glory of feeling worth it in the Fujioka Estate. Afterwards her grandmother would let her have all the England imported pastries and French delicacy desserts as she wanted, but her mother would whisper something in her ear.
"Pleasant performance, but it wasn't really so inspiring that you could have more than two pastries. If you grow fat, no one will ever love you."
That was what it always boiled down to; Natsuki Fujioka trusted no man to love Naomira. Natsuki Fujioka didn't believe anyone could. Whether Naomi ate too much, if she didn't play her piece as perfectly, if she didn't get a perfect grade. Naomi had to win love, she didn't deserve it if she was imperfect according to her mother.
As her vision came into focus, she made an epiphany.
Outside of this room, her mother, her grandparents, and her aunt were all enjoying themselves at a reception while the last sunshine's rays dusted over their bodies. Not a thought was spared to her, not a single stray idea either. Instead, they were living a life unaffected by her completely. So why was she letting them affect her? This estate was no longer her home, so why was she even still standing here? Why was she letting them hurt her so? Why was she extending her hair still? Why?
The truth was there was no actual reason for her to.
Naomi grasped at her wand and undid the charms on her hair and stood up. The sun was setting in Japan, but in England maybe it didn't have to be so dark. The dusk wasn't as bad there. And even if it was, in the morning it would shine anew. With that in mind she walked with composure back to the Portkey they had designed specifically for her. After arriving, she vomited into a trashcan in her dormitory. She winced and was relieved that Parker wasn't there anymore. She massaged her temples as she leaned back against the wall before walking into her room. She changed into the clothes she liked most.
In a pair of black leggings and light brown sweater that had a vee with a lighter brown beanie. She looked at her reflection. Everything looked the same, everything looked equally as symmetrical and everything looked as equally good. Save for her hair. Her hair was dark as always, as dark as night and in her eyes... It was too dark. There wasn't enough light in her life and so she would have to bring it upon herself to put the light in it. With that in mind, from the money she made working she walked towards a department store.
Blonde.
No not really, more like... Gold. Yeah, that's the color she was going to change her hair into; she wouldn't allow a single speck of darkness from Japan touch her here in England. Here in England, life was bright, there was promise around every corner and she needed to take care of herself before she could take on anyone else. So after dying the darkness out of her hair with a smile she fiddled with the short locks for a moment before grinning at herself in the mirror.
Peace.
That was what her reflection brought with her, she thought placidly as she settled into her couch. No longer, she decided, would she let anything from the past seep into this bright new dawn. Naomi decided that with that in mind, she wasn't going to let anything hold her back.
