Cassana sat and she sat completely still. This wasn't something she was used to. She was always on a hype, an energy that was usually endless. She was a fount of optimism. Except for now. She had, recently, been rather haunted by daunting images of her sister: dead, gone, maimed, in pain. They left her in cold sweats, goosebumps highlighting her entire skin, and nauseous enough that she'd rush to the restroom to sit there, clutching an empty stomach. She ate, but it was forced and in little portions. Her subconscious chided her on eating again when her sister could very well be starving, be dead, and she was living life in peace?

The only plausible way for her to return to full health was to start taking Dreamless Sleeping Draughts. She approached her potions professor, whom believed (she liked to think at least) despite her usual skill in the subject, thought it unsafe she brew it by herself in her state.

Patiently, she sat, staring at an empty cauldron no ingredients around her, in maybe the worst state she'd been in. No glamours to hide the bags under her eyes or the slightly sunken in cheeks or fancy skirts, just jeans and a long sleeve shirt. Clothes she hadn't worn in a while. When the door opened, she didn't even turn her head, she stared at the cauldron lost in her thoughts.

Tess was not one to do favors for anyone, let alone her brother, but as he sat her down during their weekend brunch he began to discuss why he needed her to do for him. Apparently there was someone that had personal problems and needed some help. Tess hadn't been that sympathetic, if she was quite honest. She had remembered the exact conversation:

Brunch was served like it was every Saturday. It was their tradition from as early as she could sit down without a high chair and away from their parents. As she took a sip of her orange juice she could tell that Mycroft had something in his mind. The way his fingers drummed against the table was enough for her to know that he was trying to find the right time.

He was smart. Tess knew herself enough to know that she needed to be in a good mood to be forgiving and somewhat pliable. And throughout the years they had learned how to read one another for their benefit. As she picked up the piece of toast, their eyes met and she lifted her brow. As if to say 'go on'. Smirking he leaned forward and placed his hand over hers. Oh he was definitely trying to butter her up.

"Sister of mine" he drawled out.

"Brother of mine" she copied in a dryer tone.

"I need you to this favor for me, well not for me but for a greater purpose: a student."

This definitely had caught her interest. Raising her brow, she chewed her toast slowly giving him a chance to explain himself. And he did.

"There is this student, who at the moment I'd like to keep anonymous for the sake of their privacy. But they are going through a rough patch and are usually exemplary in their brewing skills. Yet it seems that their personal hiccup is preventing them from moving forward from it."

"Myce?" she said aloud.

"Yes?"

"You're boring me, get to the point" she replied before biting into her toast one more.

"You are to help her in brewing skills" he said immediately.

"No" she replied immediately. She was used to her being volunteered for things she didn't care about. And at the moment she had too much on her plate to simply accept anything. "You know I have a lot and-"

"You will get something out of it" he interrupted her. "A small boost if you help out this student."

Huffing slightly she mulled it over her juice. She wasn't the most altruistic person, but Mycroft had played her like a fiddle. Sighing she nodded and took a sip of her juice to avoid seeing his smug face.

Now here she was. Putting a hat over her head she wished to prevent herself from having to deal with her hair. It wasn't long enough to touch the end of her neck, but long enough to not be considered a pixie cut anymore. Overall the troubles of growing out her hair. A simple slip of leggings and her old Slytherin jersey was enough for her to wear with boots. She had dropped off the fake baby and her baby Sprinkles to Rhian who thankfully had accepted (somewhat reluctantly) especially when she told her what she was doing.

Pushing the door open, she popped her head in to see the last person she ever suspected. Furrowing her brow, she walked inside and grabbed the strap to her bag tighter and walked forward, her boots clicking on the floor.

"Cassie?" she called out.

She looked at the girl that she considered her friend and it didn't seem like her at all. Walking faster she bent down to take her in and tilted her head. She wasn't the most demonstrative person, but she wished she could do more than just place her hand lightly over hers.

At the familiar voice, Cassana cursed her luck.

Every nerve in her body tensed, froze, and kick started some of her asleep nerves into full attention at Tess's voices. Go figure, Professor Holmes would only trust his little sister to do his work, she thought bitterly for a split second. Immediately guilt bit at her brain, Tess was skillfull in Potions, don't be asinine because you're tired. She reprimanded herself, her fingers that were clasped atop the table shaking slightly and she felt the most inept at the current moment.

There were two ways this could play out.

"I don't know what to do with myself anymore, Tess. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I've been lying to my roommate about my constant state, I feel like death is around every corner. I just want to cry every moment I leave the bed, I don't know how to feel. I'm scared I'll never feel normal again and this isn't even the worst of tragedies to happen to someone! But I've never-never experienced this kind of emotional pain! I'm-I'm having trouble finding the ability to smile." Then cry in Tess's arms before they figured out a solution together.

Or

"You should leave. I'll do this by myself, I can't bear to have someone else deal with my stupid mistakes! Naturally, I wouldn't see when I've been lied to my entire life. I'm really the worst kind of person, you won't want to associate with me. Please don't even speak to me."

She said neither of course, but the urge to do both was strong. The latter was the sleep deprivation talking of course, but Cassie found herself leaning towards the first option as hot tears infiltrated her vision after long moments of saying nothing. Hesitantly her tear clouded eyes met the other witch's.

"I-I- no sleep. I no sleep. I mean I- I get sleep, no not sleep. I don't sleep. I can't. Nightmares." Her words were broken fragments, all her exhaustion, all her sadness poured out into cavemen scrabble.

Tess frowned slightly and tilted her head confused at the way that Cassie was acting. While she didn't know the girl for long, she knew when something was wrong. Cassie was known for her effervescent attitude, something that brought some different in Tess' life. She tilted her head and studied her. She looked exhausted, her hair laying lifeless on her already pale skin. Her eyes looking like they begged to shut down. It was painful to see.

The frowned grew all the more as she realized just how little Cassie was talking. Her life had gone in some way, and Tess wondered just what had happened? Leaning forward she placed her hand tentatively on her shoulder, balancing her weight as her left hand still was over the girl and waited. It was like she realized she was there in that instant and Cassie tried to speak.

No sleep. Nightmares. Tess shuddered knowing them too well. She wondered what she could do. Then, in one instance she remembered when Rhian had spoken about her parents' loss and her sister. And how she'd held her when she ever thought about her parents. Tess had her share of losses too, with Sherringford dying at such a young age. She remembered how Myce had cradled her close.

Leaning tentatively she enveloped the girl in a hug. She was a bit stiff unsure if it was appropriate, after all she was here to brew, but just for once she figured breaking the rules wasn't that bad.

"We'll make them go away"

Cassie was surprised at the feel of an embrace. She was a touchy-feely person so naturally she went about hugging others, but she never got the sense that Tess would be okay with affection. However, she felt so out of her own skin. So different, not energetic, not bubbly not loving; she felt like nothing. She felt like she was living the life of those little dots that flitted in and out of your vision, the air specks that nobody cares about. She wanted, desperately to be able to deal with this by herself. She wanted to be able to brush the nightmares off her shoulder, turn her chin up and walk with a high head. She wanted to trust her sister's senses enough to keep her alive.

But she couldn't.

She couldn't trust herself enough to do as she wanted and she felt weak. She felt unsure and could see the tremble in her hands as she lifted them to clutch at Tess tightly, hold something real, something that wasn't her sister screaming in pain, or her sister dead. To hear a voice that didn't make her feel like she was drowning further in her horrors. It was relieving to be held, to put her trust in another.

"Thanks," she replied, as she pulled away wiping at her tears, words coming back to her, "I- I'm sorry Tess to, to get you stuck with me. I just didn't , couldn't, can't sleep without seeing all the bad things that have happened and I didn't know how else to fix them."

Tess forced herself not to flinch, she did, and for once in her life was successful. Touching, hugging, any form of contact that involved some kind of intimacy seemed a lot more sensitive to her. Rhian and her weren't touchy-feely, they merely, had a connection, a mental one and emotional one, just never a physical, hugging kind of thing. Mycroft was more of the touchy-feely one of the two siblings. He never had a problem in knowing what to do, in any situation. But as Cassie clung to her, she held her close and tentatively placed her hand at the back of her head to cradle her as best she could in the awkward position. Something in the back of her mind told her that was what she needed to do, it was the right thing to do.

Nothing was said for a while, and she didn't push. She was never one to pry in people's business, no matter how curious she was. Curiosity did not mean nosy, at least not to her. And despite that ideology, people tended to talk to her more than she even asked for. Still, Cassie was a good person, genuinely good, and to see someone distressed, someone like her? It seemed wrong.

"I- I'm sorry Tess to, to get you stuck with me. I just didn't , couldn't, can't sleep without seeing all the bad things that have happened and I didn't know how else to fix them."

As Cassie pulled back, Tess truly took note of the tears. Yes, it was definitely emotional distress. Those were the hardest ones to fix weren't they? She knew them well enough. But as Cassie began to try to make sense, she couldn't help but worry over her new friend.

"I'll brew it for you" she murmured. "Is your roommate going to be around with you? Or would you rather have a room to yourself? I..I have a spare in my flat."

Cassana's parents had been just as physically affectionate as she was. Gabriella not so much. Macen and Idna would hold her for hours on end, proclaiming their jubilee over her existence. It was tainted now, knowing that their jubilee basically outshone the entire existence of her sister. Gabriella who loved her when she could have despised Cassana, instead loved her for all that she was. Nights when the enormity of her room swallowed her whole, Cass would bolt down the hallway to Gabriella's also too large room before curling into her sister's bed. In the morning, jokingly Gabriella would complain about how her Cashew snored loudly and kicked hard for someone so tiny. Cass would pout and sulk until her sister showed some sort of affection. Gabriella would pat Cass's head and shrug as if to say: "oops sorry." Then she'd offhandedly insult Cassana, but pull her in for a hug. It never hurt Cass. She knew her sister was kidding.

At the end of the day, Gabriella loved Cassana too much; so much that she had suffered her own personal demons to protect Cass from her's.

Now she would never hear her sister's condescending tone or feel her arms wrap around her. She'd never get the chance to know the things about Ella she could have, she'd never have another full family Christmastime, she'd never even get to see Ella...

It hurt too bad for her to know she could have prevented it.

After she let her hands fall from Tess, Cassie rubbed her cheeks with her sleeves drawn over her palms. Then Cassie wiped away her tears and ran her fingers through her hair, wincing when she reached tangles, and strengthened her resolve to get through this. If not for herself, but now for Tess so she wouldn't be burdening her friend any longer. So she took a good few minutes to inhale and exhale deeply, regain peace in herself before she addressed what Tess said.

"Brooke will be there, she's - I haven't , I don't-," she stammered out, cringing at herself, "I haven't told her anything. I can manage to make it, I just don't think your brother would have appreciated a blown up office." Cassie tried to joke, but the smile wasn't real. She was silent for a few moment's before she closed her eyes and stared at the cauldron. "I'm sorry to impose on you Tess, it's not by choice."

"I haven't told her anything. I can manage to make it, I just don't think your brother would have appreciated a blown up office."

She knew that Cassie was trying to make a joke, trying to lighten the situation up, but it wasn't the case. In fact, that was what prompted Tess to know that it was more than just nightmares. Nightmares tended to haunt, but only in the dark, in they day they shifted to forgotten memories, that slowly drifted to nothingness till the next. It was the things that haunted you in real life, that created a living nightmare. She realized this is what Cassie could have possibly be dealing with.

Sitting down carefully on the desk, she looked down at the girl and sighed. There was too much space between them, not physically, )she didn't mind that) but emotionally. She saw the way that Cassie was (unsuccessfully) trying to reign her emotions in. She knew when people did that, after all she was raised to do that. Sighing she tilted her head and tried to think about what to say. It was until the girl apologized that she found herself talking.

"You know, I've always said that I don't need friends, I just had one but...I consider you my friend" she said somewhat nervously, "so there's no need to apologize. Friends....they do anything for you within their means" she remembered the times Rhian would do domestics so Tess could eat, or held her close when she cried and later let her denied it and she let her. "and if brewing a potion is all you need? Well then it's one of the easier things I can do."

Cassie had felt a modicum of guilt that she hadn't even told Brooke what had occurred to her yet; Brooke was her best friend, someone who understood her on a spiritual level. They were cut from the same cloth in a way, with clear differences between them, but overall two optimists in a bleak world. Two clumsy fools who never stopped smiling. It was partially why she'd been so afraid to tell Brooke about the letter; how would her best friend who'd always seen her as her mirror react to the Cassie that clearly more reserved, less happy? She didn't want to imagine the sort of sadness she'd get over it, and pushed the feeling away completely. She didn't know if she'd ever tell Brooke.

But Tess, Tess was here and now was probably the best time to tell someone about the letter.

If she told Tess, perhaps it would be easier for her to tell Brooke too. To tell Brooke that everything she'd known was a lie, that she couldn't eat or sleep without seeing the anguished face of her only sister. That her parents had disowned her half-sister because she found the truth, that her uncle who's lap she'd climbed into when she was younger, who she'd kissed on the cheeks, was actually her mother's ex-lover. She felt sick to her stomach at being lied to her entire life. If she could tell Tess, she'd be able to tell Brooke, she needed to do this.

As Tess spoke, her resolve to tell the Holmes grew stronger now that she was certain that they were friends.

"And you're an amazing friend Tess." Her words were clearer as if she'd taken a dosage of straight determination, she drew in a deep breath. "So as a friend I- I want to tell you what happened because I don't know where else to start because I'm so scared that everything I say will come out all wrong and jambled - no jumbled, and I don't want that. C-Can I tell you?" She was quiet at the end, feeling nervous and shy and like she was six. Like she was six and watching her sister leave all over again, a terrible feeling.

Tess was a bit embarrassed at her confession, embarrassed to admit so much at a time that maybe wasn't appropriate. The realization of wanting more friends was a daunting one, especially from someone that self-proclaimed herself as a people hater. Yet here she was, waiting patiently to try and be a good friend. She knew that if Cassie needed to talk she would listen. She was a better listener anyways, always tending to take everything in and try to make it all work together. And it seemed that Cassie needed an outlet of some kind. Smiling softly she nodded, wondering if in the meantime she was to brew.

"While you talk, let me start brewing" she murmured softly. "That way we can get you the rest you need."

Sliding her fingers up to her hair, she tried to pin it back as best she could. It wasn't yet long enough to really get in the way, but the way it tickled under her chin bothered her greatly. Pinning it back, she barely got the hairband around to keep it back. Taking out the cauldron she began to put everything together and the base as she set everything in motion.

"Go on" she murmured as she began to work on the potion. It was second nature for her, to really work on the potion, often times she tended to volunteer her potions services to the Hospital Wing, since it was her specialty. "I promise I'm listening"

"That way we can get you the rest you need."

In all and complete honesty, those words were just what Cassie needed to hear. So she folded her arms atop the desk and dropped her head on top of them and closed her eyes. She wanted, just a little bit to watch Tess at work, but she felt safe enough now to sleep. If she went into a panic attack, Tess would wake her up (hopefully) and for now, Cassie just wanted to not see all the bright lights. They were burning her irises and making her feel strenuous just by blinking. Exhaustion was a bitch.

"I have an older sister," she admitted quietly while she listened to Tess move about the cauldron, "her name is Gabriella and she's lovely. She went to Hogwarts y'know, but she's five years older than me, I don't know if you knew, and I doubt you did since she was pretty good at staying hidden but she was Slytherin. Were you? I don't know, you've got the same grace that she does- well had." Cassie yawned a bit, feeling relaxed and less high strung, but not happy in the slightest. Anxiety was pecking at her every nerve as she thought about what to say next.

She just sat in silence for a while, the sound of potions being made comforting her.

"I-We-she's and I," she fought for words for a moment, "we weren't close. Five years was too much for us and she was so far away and it's hardly like you can blame a kid for not caring about that sort of thing but we really, really did love each other. Letters were how we communicated and she stayed with our uncle Max the most and I was so sure we related to Max by blood because he loved us both; he was that cool uncle that showed his nieces and nephews in gifts and love and cool accessories. Well, turns out he was just my mom's ex-lover and Gabriella's real dad. And my dad was a Death Eater."

For another moment she just sat there, head buried in her hands, darkness surrounding her vision, and let the words- no she let the reality- sink in. That was the truth. This was her life. Most of what she knew about the people around her was a lie, and she had no clue what steps to take after that sort of knowledge. She wanted to believe it was all a lie like her mother, but Gabriella wasn't the kind to mince words.

"Gabriella told me, and I knew she couldn't be lying because with me it wouldn't benefit her at all and she and my dad didn't get along and she did some bad stuff because she felt guilty that she couldn't tell our mom and I the truth. But she told my mom about the Death Eater thing and they disowned her. Now she's gone off the grid and into hiding I don't fu-fricking know, she's just gone and maybe if I'd been more reliable as a sibling, maybe if she could trust me more, maybe if I'd followed her when she traveled she wouldn't have to be alone." And after Cassie said that, she let the tears fall down her face, even as she avoided opening her mouth to breath and let the sobs out.

As Tess brewed the potion, she didn't make conversation. She knew that if people needed to talk, they would. There was no need to push, and she wasn't known to pry because it wasn't in her interest. She was known to only care about what affected her, what could be convenient and what she could use to her advantage. But that was year ago, and she tried to push herself from that old image, that old one that was so self-centered.

But as she talked, she began to assume what was going on. An older sister, five years. She understood the age gap, she had seven with Mycroft; and there was some difference between them. Except...except Mycroft was nurturing, loving, and kind behind closed doors. In front of the public eye he had that impassive look in his eyes and cold, but that wasn't the case. He wasn't detached or didn't enjoy contact; instead Tess was the one that was more detached. She growled every time he held her close, and when he kissed her cheek, she would push him back horrified about it. But she loved him, she genuinely truly loved him. He was the person she compared every man that came into her life to; a man who was loyal, loving (at least in private) and considerate of her. He was her father figure, more so than their father and she loved him dearly.

But as Cassie kept going, she wondered if she even remembered that Tess had told her multiple times she was in Slytherin. She was too young to have ever met the girl, but she knew that Mycroft probably knew him. The key word had was a raised flag for her. As she spoke about how letters were a key to their communication, Tess nodded absentmindedly as she measured everything for the dreamless sleep.

At the mention of the word "Death Eaters" she visibly flinched. That group always brought chills down her back. She thanks Merlin that her family never involved themselves with the idea of killing un-clean wizards. She wasn't one of those that believed it, but two generations back, well...it was a different story. But having a death eater so close for any family was shady and tentative.

"It's not your fault" she said softly as she finally finished the potion. "None of the weight should fall on you, after all your birth is not a choice neither is the origin of your parents and their choices" she said tentatively.

She wouldn't ask how her sister found out, nor why was she disowned for a truth that was not her own. But she knew that the weight that Cassie carried shouldn't have been her own.

Cassie kept her head down, kept trying to squeeze out all the tears that were trying to escape. She wasn't used to sadness clouding her like it was, acting like a parasite and sucking her dry. It was almost unthinkable that she could ever act the way she was. If anyone had used a Time-Turner and went back in time to tell young her that she would ever let something tear her down so much, she'd tell the older version of herself to screw off, that the older her was lying. Gods above, she'd gone through eight pet deaths without a flinch, through the death of her grandfather, through aunts and uncles with tears, but she didn't stop smiling. She didn't let things destroy her.

She was never without hope, never without dreams.

Except what do you do when your dreams turn into nightmares? When fear for a person you loved swallows your whole in your subconscious and robs you of your typical life abilities like eating or sleeping, what do you do? How do you just go back to normal. It had shook Cassie's life and now she was in the aftermath, confused and scared about how to return to normalcy. She was glad that her common sense hadn't been robbed, and she knew what to do. Going out for help was the best she decided, she lifted her head a little to peak at Tess, consternation on her face.

"Thank you Tess, you di-don'-I don't expect anything from you, y'know? And here you are being a great friend and I-I'm just dumping my drama on you," at those words she laughed a little bitterly, "guess I win the friend of the year award huh?" Cassie sat up then, wiped away the tears with her shirt and grabbed her wand to murmur a small drying spell. She didn't want to see her face, but she guessed it wasn't pretty. Even if she didn't wear make-up too thin and too sad didn't tend to make a good mix.

Crying was always a hard topic to deal with, especially in front of others, at least for her. She would always deny that she cried; crying meant weakness, meant showing that you couldn't handle life and what it threw your way. Yes she knew it wasn't a healthy mentality, but that was how the men in her family acted, and she, she wasn't weak. Being raised with the superior mentality of a Holmes, meant having to contradict itself with her feminine disposition that her mother shoved down her throat. Big girls don't cry, crying means defeat' her mother told her. And while she had cried more than she cared for admit recently, it would remain where it occurred: her bedroom.

But seeing Cassie, she felt a mixture of panic and sympathy. Death was never something easy, even for people made of ice like her family. Usually anger was the easiest way to cope with it, but she couldn't imaging her being that way. Cassie seemed so sensitive; too good to be in the harsh reality of life. Gripping the phial tightly she walked over, shaking her head at Cassie's comments.

"Don't...don't say those things" she murmured, "I'm not quite good at having friends, but I think that friendship involves some responsibilities."

She ignored the mess that Cassie looked like at the moment. No one was expected to be perfect, especially not after pain. Smiling softly, she placed her hand over hers, and put the phial in her hands.

"If you want, we never have to talk about this again," she said as soothing as possible, "all you need to do is go home, drink this and relax."

Cassie felt her heart shift, sometimes she got so lost in herself that she forgot that she was actually a person that collaborated in a world; she wasn't alone. Why did she feel like she was? Maybe in this predicament she was simply being her own enemy. Tess was right, there was truly nothing she could do to prevent what her sister had done and everything that she'd have to take everything from her sister's perspective and honor that. She couldn't trust her father or her mother for that matter. She was certain there'd be a flurry of more owls about her state of mind, about their decisions: they'd proclaimed that Gabriella was spewing lies. That Gabriella was tarnishing the Rose family name with her actions of never truly settling and going out and about all wildly. It made no sense whatsoever to Cassie, but she knew that going off who she was, she'd still feel an ounce of guilt over Gabriella's actions.

So instead she simply straightened her back, and put on the bravest face she could muster.

At Tess's gentle touch on her hand, and the relief she felt welling up inside her, Cassie smiled at her friend, genuine and true. She squeezed the girl's hand tenderly.

"Thank you, Tess, seriously, and I-I'll be here whenever you need me to be," and whether you like it or not, went unsaid but it was a vow that Cassie made mentally as she took the vial in her hands. Preparing to apparate back to the dorm and sleep for an hour or maybe six, perhaps she'd go as far as eight. "I'll owl you." She added as a promise.

As the girl was getting ready to go, Tess smiled a reassuring smile and hoped that she would be okay. Cassie wasn't a person that someone would consider strong to begin with, but her spirit seemed unbreakable to Tess. But to see her look so worn, did something odd in Tess' chest. She didn't know what that was...and she wouldn't dwell on it. Instead she nodded at her and wished her the best of luck on her dreamless sleep. It would work and hopefully she would improve.

"Just go sleep, and we'll talk once you get some sleep. If you need anything, don't worry about it...I got you" she said softly and waved at the girl softly.